Just came back from the cremation of my late great grandfather. It was an emotional yet a delightful 4-day period. It was delightful because I got to bond more with cousins and got to talk more with them. I realized that they are super sick already at such a young age! Children nowadays... 

The period was rather emotional and it's not because I miss my great grandfather. I'm never close to him and I mentioned to my mum that he scold my grandmother frequently for no reason and I didn't really like him. It was emotional because the funeral reminded me of the funeral of my late great grandmother. The first thing was obvious, I missed my great grandmother. Whenever I visit her, she will look at me in the eye and give her brightest smile, and murmured something into my ear in dialect. I wasn't able to comprehend what she said, but I can feel that she still recognize me and she's glad to see me. The demise of my great grandmother impacted me quite a bit but I don't feel much for my great grandfather's. The second thing was worst. On the fourth day of the funeral 2 years ago, my mum attempted to commit suicide. As I returned home from the funeral that night, I saw my mum tipping her toes, looking at the ground floor from above. I asked her, "What are you doing?" She said, "Oh nothing I was just looking at the scenery." I felt something strange but I guessed that I was just being paranoid. Thereafter, she brought a chair out to the corridor as she peeked into my room... I ran over immediately as I grab my mum. I didn't know what to do or what to say, so I broke down and begged her not to commit suicide. She cried too, and said " I'm sorry Wei Jie I don't want live anymore... Just let me die... ". I was really in a state of shock and I simply repeat my words for the whole time. Thankfully she didn't commit suicide, but I was living in fear for the whole week. That night after she came back into the house, I told her that I'm gonna stay up the whole night, I would let her do foolish things. For the whole week, I didn't dare to go home. It was during my O level period, I used studies as a form of escapism. I'm afraid that I'll return home one day, and saw my grandma weeping over my mum's body. For that period, I went home after midnight, when everything was peaceful at last, at least on the surface. My heart pounded as I opened the house door, and then came a huge relief when I know that everything was fine. One of the worst period of my life, I was faced with mental struggles as I try to concentrate in school. My mum didn't want anyone to know, and I felt horrible for keeping such a big matter to myself, when I was then younger.