Yesterday has been quite an emotional day. My friends and I were soaking our feet at the De Yuan and i didn't say a single thing. I broke down the moment Syafqin came to ask me what happened. Felt so silly that I've broke down in front of them twice and they have to be there to console me. Still not feeling alright, till now. Things really struck me hard yesterday as I thought about how people usually were not concerned about me when I was young. Parents were always fighting, my siblings and I had a great generation gap in the past, somehow or rather I was stigmatized for being fat. In my Primary school days, my friends made fun of me. The malay boys called me fat, my Chinese friends did that too. But sometimes I would tolerate it, because they were my only friends and if I ever flip, I'll lose them and that's even more pathetic. Everyday I had to live with people calling me names. Sometimes even the girls called me fat. That eventually made me realise that no one really wants to friend with me, no one really cares about how I feel and no one really cares for me. Even if they did, it will only be an obligation - because I'm nice to them. That's the reason why I don't like to give birthday presents to others, because that will give them the obligation to give me a birthday present as well and I really hate that. I believed that people will give me genuine care if they want to, and not driven by obligation. I felt really horrible as to how everything you did was actually obligations, at least that's how you made me feel. When I tried to get out of my negative thoughts I had in the past, things like these happened. I'm thankful for all my friends, namely Syafiqin, Adil and Hakim. They asked me to go to their prayers area and I told them why I broke down, felt much better after I've rant to them. They are the people that kept me going when I'm facing difficulties and its gonna be another emotional crisis if I were to think about how we're going to leave each other soon and proceed with our own lives. I hope we still keep in touch after the As.