As I'm writing this blog entry, it's 14 minutes more into 3rd September, my father's birthday.

I texted my brother:

Me: Tomorrow is dad's birthday right? Will he be free?

B: Yup! But he went China for vacation, dont let mum knows about it, he wouldn't like it. He will be back on the 10th.

Me: When did he go? He went with his friends?

B: I think he went alone. He wanna see the world, that's what he said.

Me: Feel so unsafe for him, which part of China?
B: Shen Zheng, should be okay bah.

It was painful for me to know that he has to celebrate his own birthday alone, again. In 2010, my mum was admitted to the hospital and he didn't want us to celebrate his birthday. It will appear that we are enjoying while my mum are suffering inside and my dad didn't want that. In 2011, My dad's relative died and he said that he was unable to celebrate his birthday. Before my family broke up, we never had a tradition of celebrating birthdays. When I became more matured and learned to be more appreciative, reality doesn't allow me to do so. When we were still living under the same roof, he told me that he wants to explore the world, he doesn't want to work in Singapore for his whole life. Now that he has finally fulfilled his dream, I'm happy for him. At the same time, i was really, really worried. China may not be a safe place and the worst part, my dad is going there alone. He called me on Friday and told me that he has deposited my monthly allowance into my bank account. He talked to me about Commando, asking if I've made up my decision of being one. he said that he will support my decision and asked me to go for it if i'm selected. I was guessing that he called me before he departed from Singapore. I can imagine how he's feeling at that point of time. He didn't tell me that he was going to Shen Zheng, he didn't want me to worry for him, he didn't want my mum to know about it. He always put up a strong front. A strong front with all the sorrows and sadness buried right underneath that seemingly cold heart. It seems like I've inherited that from him. I've been too busy with my studies and neglected him through these 2 years. I wanna show my appreciation as he gets back into Singapore, I hope reality allows me to do that. I hope that he will come back to Singapore in one piece.

Its 12.16am, 3rd September 2012. Happy Birthday Daddy. <3