These recent weeks haven't been good for me. My emotions were pretty unstable, I couldn't handle my emotions well and I often flare up. This is not like me. Or rather these emotions had been kept inside me for so long and they only start surfacing now. Not sure how am I now. How do i even reply to people when they ask me "how are you?" "Oh hey i'm fine" - totally not, i'm just lying to myself. "No I'm not okay, but don't ask." - So hostile and stuck up, ill only be leaving people speechless. I'm starting to believe that in the future, i'm gonna develop some drinking problems. Life hasn't been really good for me, well life has been miserable for me. I don't have a proper home, and yes i do have a proper shelter but not a place where I can just be myself inside. I don't live normally like a teenager, I HAVE to lock myself in the room so that I don't annoy the shit out of people. My family is broken, my sister isn't trying any harder to contribute to the household income. My grandfather and uncle hate me. Basically I think i'm a fucked up. Drinking is good for me. I don't have to think about how people view me when I'm drunk as fuck, I do what I want, I say what I want. I don't care how people say that drinking is never the solution to problems, but heck it, at least it gave me a few hours of heaven time where I don't remember my problems and all I wanna do is to have fun with my friends (if i'm with any). When I drunk, (according to my friends) I talk a hell lot of cock. When I wake up the next morning, I don't regret anything that I've said. For the first time in my life, I'm actually saying things that I want to say since forever. There was once when I drunk-text a girl friend of mine, telling her how great she is and how she shouldn't be affected by how people think of her. I showed my friend the texts and he asked me "Where did you get the courage to tell her that? I'll be so touched if I'm her." Well where did i get the courage? Alcohol. Yes alcohol is bad, but maybe if your life is as fucked as mine it might do you some good.