I was faced with anxiety for the entire week, getting more and more insecure as the A levels is nearing. We had a session where we have to close our eyes and keep our mind relaxed. Somehow or rather, our minds were engaged by Mrs Wong's words... Here are my thoughts.
Imagine you've have received your results... how did you do?
My result slip shows AAB/C, C for GP. I cried when I received the results simply because I aimed for all As except for a B in GP.
You called the person that you cared the most.. who is it.. what did you say?
I called my mum, and as I was weeping, I told her that I've disappointed her. Technically I will not disappoint her because she has never wanted me to work too hard and she will never put pressure on me. She even asked me not to go out and study but take a break from study.
You met your favourite teacher.. who is it.. what did you say?
In my mind, there were two teachers - Ms Ong Shu Hui and Mr Sala. I went to Ms Ong and showed her my results. She told me once that "In band, the person I want to see the most to be on stage is you.". I felt that I've disappointed her when she had such high hope in me. She comforted me but I still felt horrible for myself.
After the session, I questioned myself why am I feeling so negatively about myself and why was it so emotional when it was supposed to be a session where you imagined yourself marching up the stage, receiving your results slip pridefully and we try to work towards our goal. Many thoughts went through my mind and it really all boils down to my confidence issues once again. My studies are relatively well-managed compared to my peers but I never have beliefs in myself that I'll do well for my A levels. I felt like my confidence level has dropped once again, ever since term 4 has started. Everyday was productive for me due to my fear and I hope I'm managing my studies well at a good pace.
Studies seemed to be my priority now and I'm hardly distracted nowadays. My friends do mention your name occasionally, and somehow or rather my heart sank every time i hear your name. I didn't have the time to figure out why. Haven't been talking to you for almost a week, I hope you're doing fine. Sometimes I do think about you, though having a feeling of amiss, at least I still get to see your smile. I wanna talk to you, but I don't wanna be a pest. Looking at you from afar as I tell myself that you're so near yet so far.
An entry that I've written on my phone on 12 September:
I've just finished a plate of Spaghetti and the greens were left behind. As I look to my left, there's a pair of grandma and granddaughter. They were cracking jokes around as they were waiting for their food arrival. They seems happy and I felt a sense of enviousness along with a heartfelt warmness. Great things that I do not have, I wish others will have more. It's always nice to see family members together spending time with one another. Guess what, I even ate my greens so that I can glance at them a little longer.
Imagine you've have received your results... how did you do?
My result slip shows AAB/C, C for GP. I cried when I received the results simply because I aimed for all As except for a B in GP.
You called the person that you cared the most.. who is it.. what did you say?
I called my mum, and as I was weeping, I told her that I've disappointed her. Technically I will not disappoint her because she has never wanted me to work too hard and she will never put pressure on me. She even asked me not to go out and study but take a break from study.
You met your favourite teacher.. who is it.. what did you say?
In my mind, there were two teachers - Ms Ong Shu Hui and Mr Sala. I went to Ms Ong and showed her my results. She told me once that "In band, the person I want to see the most to be on stage is you.". I felt that I've disappointed her when she had such high hope in me. She comforted me but I still felt horrible for myself.
After the session, I questioned myself why am I feeling so negatively about myself and why was it so emotional when it was supposed to be a session where you imagined yourself marching up the stage, receiving your results slip pridefully and we try to work towards our goal. Many thoughts went through my mind and it really all boils down to my confidence issues once again. My studies are relatively well-managed compared to my peers but I never have beliefs in myself that I'll do well for my A levels. I felt like my confidence level has dropped once again, ever since term 4 has started. Everyday was productive for me due to my fear and I hope I'm managing my studies well at a good pace.
Studies seemed to be my priority now and I'm hardly distracted nowadays. My friends do mention your name occasionally, and somehow or rather my heart sank every time i hear your name. I didn't have the time to figure out why. Haven't been talking to you for almost a week, I hope you're doing fine. Sometimes I do think about you, though having a feeling of amiss, at least I still get to see your smile. I wanna talk to you, but I don't wanna be a pest. Looking at you from afar as I tell myself that you're so near yet so far.
An entry that I've written on my phone on 12 September:
I've just finished a plate of Spaghetti and the greens were left behind. As I look to my left, there's a pair of grandma and granddaughter. They were cracking jokes around as they were waiting for their food arrival. They seems happy and I felt a sense of enviousness along with a heartfelt warmness. Great things that I do not have, I wish others will have more. It's always nice to see family members together spending time with one another. Guess what, I even ate my greens so that I can glance at them a little longer.
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